ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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