just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
