i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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