I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
