Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
