I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize