sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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