hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
