I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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