i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
