Dual....:-)
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
