i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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