something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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