I think i peed on brittanys purse
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Randomize
