Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
