Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
