please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
