That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
4 words: hood of his car
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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