the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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