Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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