I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
