just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
