after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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