I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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