For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
