A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
