Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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