he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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