Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
