I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
