Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
