Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How does one acquire holy water?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
