someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
