Just cropdusted the office
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
