You're my little dorito
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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