No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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