If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
