My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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