I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
