just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
