I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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