and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
