I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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