so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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