i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
