yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
