It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
