One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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