If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize