I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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