so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
