My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
