he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize