one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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