Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
