You work out of a Hotel?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
