Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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