Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
