People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize