$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
