He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
