The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize