Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
