Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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