I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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