So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
