oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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