So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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