Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
