Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
