If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
