make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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