I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
