i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
And then he peed in my hair
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