wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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