i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
