Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
