i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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