he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize