i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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