You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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