you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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