Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
