dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
