but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
