No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
