Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
