I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
another moral hangover. fuck.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
