FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
