what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
