I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
