Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
