Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
