If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
