Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
