i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
