just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
