Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
