I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ttyl tear gas
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
