Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
