So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
