god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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