He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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