I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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